Saturday, May 25, 2013

Illustration of grace: Graceful response to a hurtful situation

How have you responded when you have been hurt?   With revenge?  With determination that someone should be punished?  With a view of forgiveness?  With a view of wanting to help?
Well here is a story that is inspiring and shows great leadership when you are offended.

On 24th May 2013 the Sydney Swans played Colingwood at the MCG in round 9 of the Australian Football League...it was the first game of the round...and the round was dedicated to the indigenous community.   

In the final quarter one of the stars of the Sydney Swans, an indigenous player, Adam Goodes, was racially vilified by a young Collingwood supporter....

The young supporter was reported by Adam Goodes and a Collingwood footballer Darren Jolly which lead to her being evicted from the ground....

Adam Goodes was upset at being racially vilified...so left the ground 

What followed is a lesson of grace and humility from all parties, and how to deal with a sin graciously..

The opposition club President Eddie Maguire sort out Goodes immediately after the game to apologise on behalf of the club...
Players from other clubs contacted Goodes to offer support.

However one of the most intriguing responses was from Adam Goodes himself....He was still concerned and upset for being racially abused....however He wasn't after revenge...instead he showed genuine concern for the girl that she could be crucified for this mistake...
and when she contacted him to apologise...he let everyone know she had apologised..




Read the full transcript of his media release

QUESTION: How are you feeling about last night?
GOODES: Yeah look, I'm pretty gutted to be honest. The win was the first of its kind in 40 years. To win by 47 points against Collingwood, to play such a pivotal role just sort of means nothing, you know, to come to the boundary line and hear a 13-year-old girl call me an ape. And it's not the first time on the footy field I've been referred to as a monkey or an ape. It was shattering.
I turned around and when I saw it was a young girl and I thought she was 14, that was my initial thought, I was just like 'really?'. I just thought how could that happen? And all this week, you know, this week is a celebration of our people and our culture and the absolute privilege of meeting the great man Nicky Winmar two days ago now and what he's been able to do for us 20 years ago and to be able to make a stand myself and say racism has a face last night and, you know, it was a 13-year-old girl but it's not her fault.
She's 13, she's still so innocent, I don't put any blame on her. Unfortunately it's what she hears, the environment she's grown up in that has made her think it's ok to call people names. I can guarantee you right now she would have no idea, you know, how it makes anyone feel by calling them an ape. Um, I think, you know, it was just the name calling that she was doing and unfortunately it cut me deep and it affected me so much that I couldn't even be on the ground last night to celebrate a victory to indigenous round and I'm still shattered personally, yeah it's tough. Loving the support of my friends and family and people in the social media, it's fantastic.
But I think the person that needs the most support is the little girl, you know. People need to get around her, she's 13, she's uneducated. You know if she wants to pick up the phone and call me and apologise, I'll take that phone call and I'll have a conversation with that girl about 'You know what, you called me a name, this is how it made me feel', and it's school stuff, it is school stuff.
And that's what it took me back to last night, I felt I was in high school again, being bullied, being called all these names because of my appearance. I didn't stand up for myself in high school, I'm a lot more confident, I'm a lot more proud about who I am and my culture, and I decided to stand up last night and I'll continue to stand up because racism has no place in our industry, it has no place in our society. Hopefully any person out there that has been name called, that has been verbally abused, can stand up for themselves after what happened last night.

Is this the lowest point in your career?

I don't know if it's the lowest in my career, but personally I don't think I've ever been more hurt by someone calling me a name than I was last night. Not because of what was said, but from where it came from.  It just hit me that it wasn’t a Collingwood issue or an AFL issue, but a society issue and it’s an issue of what our parents are teaching our kids. My mum taught me to treat people the way I want to be treated and after being verbally abused as a child growing up, I never want anyone to feel abused, verbally, about your race, about being black, about your appearance.  And hopefully today people hearing this message, they can understand that it's unacceptable and it hurts. It doesn't just hurt me, it hurts my brother, my mother, it hurts my family, it hurts my non-indigenous friends. They're embarrassed, they're apologising. I said to them, 'don't apologise. It's got nothing to do with you'. They apologise because it still happens and we're not educating our children, we're not educating people enough about how it is hurtful.


Adam, do you think this is a line in the sand moment? The positives as you've mentioned and the support you've been given may support people.
I hope it does, I hope standing here and telling people how it has affected me helps people out there. Helps people who have done it in the past know that a simple name, a simple word can cut so deep. Because it happens everywhere, it happens in the schoolyard, at sporting events, it happens while playing sport. People need to know it's hurtful and the people that don’t stand up for it, it hurts them so much that they don't want to. It still hurts just as much it does for me.  But whether they have the people to support them like I've had, I've had fantastic support in the last 24 hours. And like I've said, I just hope they give the 13-year-old the same sort of support because she needs it, her family need it, the people around them need it. It's not a witch hunt. I don't want people to go after this young girl. We just need to educate our society better so it doesn't happen again.

(Inaudible) How would you suggest, what would you want to see (inaudible) the way this issue is dealt with in the future?

I think what we're seeing is standing up for it. Twenty years ago Nicky Winmar stood up at Victoria Park and said enough is enough. I'm standing up last night saying it's still happening, it still happens and it's a shame that it's a 13-year-old girl, that's the sad thing about it, so sad, and that's what hurts me the most, she's a young girl and has no idea what she's called me, no significance of what it means. So it's education, it's me standing here telling you that a simple word like ape can cut me so deep, it's derogatory, it's not only me, it hurts all black people everywhere.



Do you feel like you were representing just yourself last night?
Not at all, I always go out to represent my football club and who I am, a young (inaudible) man and um, if people have a problem with me, say it to me. If you're gonna hurt my feelings, then I'm going to point you out. It was just really sad, and like I said before, we need to support our children better and help educate them more. Parents have to take responsibility for that.

If you had the opportunity to speak to the parents, what would you say?
Oh, there's no doubt you know, the support that I'm getting on social media, she's getting the opposite. And I feel sorry for her. Like is said before, she doesn’t know what she's said. She's saying things that she hears whether she's watching TV at home, or if she's at school or with her friends if they talk like this. She doesn’t know exactly what she's saying, there's no way. She's too innocent for that. And I just want her to know that it hurts, it hurts people to name call.  There's no doubt that she's been name called at school or been bullied, she knows how that makes her feel, so why do it to other people. I just hope that she does have that support, and the message here is that there is no place for racism in sport, no place for racism in society and I'm going to continue to stand up here and say it until, you know, it gets completely rid of. Hopefully one day that will happen.


I have no idea, Nicky Winmar stood there 20 years ago just saying, you know what? I'm black and I'm proud. Because his actions were fantastic, hopefully my words today help educate people today as well. Look, they're consequences for the AFL to deal with, um, my care is for myself, my football club and that little girl because she needs support right now, and people really need to get around her and support her.

In your 15 to 16 years in the game, have things improved?
Definitely, one hundred per cent they're improved, to come to football, and Nicky Winmar just over there can tell you, to come to the football and just rock up and play football and just do your best on your own merits, that's what it’s about, we've created that environment.  The AFL have been fantastic at doing that, it's just there is one off people out there who are uneducated, and they need to be educated. It's up to the media, it's up to myself, it's up to the AFL, it's up to society, it's up to parents to join in and say there's no place for racism in our society.

The fact that it was indigenous round - did that upset you the most? The fact that there's been so much publicity around it?
Mate, it could have been grand final day and I would still be feeling exactly the same - so disappointed, so heartbroken. Whether it was indigenous round or not, let's be clear, it is indigenous round, it's a fantastic week of football, the community get behind it so well, support it, they've got the Dreamtime at the G’ game today, I'm going to be at Etihad stadium this afternoon to watch my brother play for the first time, it's a fantastic round of football and there's a lot to celebrate. Yeah it didn’t start out great last night and that’s what people are going to focus on, but I want people to focus on the rest of the seven games, it is indigenous round and we’ve got a lot to be proud of.



Adam, when you say its not the first time that you have been referred to in these terms, I ask what have been the other circumstances? Has it been from the crowd? Has it been from other players?
Other players.

How recently?
We're talking in the last ten years.

And from the crowd at all?
No.


When do you think the penny will drop? How much longer will it go on for?
Well I think it won't. People are still going to have children, they're still going to raise their kids, we're still going to have an influence on the environment that children are going to grow up in. It's up to everyone of us to stand up for things when we think that's not right, and we always have those thoughts in our heads, whether we're on a tram or a train, out in the park we see people saying things to each other. You've got an option, you can turn your back and keep walking, or you can help that person, support that person, say 'you know what, that's not on we don't do that around here, if you're gonna do that, piss off somewhere else'.

Did you and your teammates sit down last night and have a chat about it?
Yeah of course, they all wanted to know, and that was when I finally felt a lot better, was being around my teammates and the support, to sing the song after the game just took my mind away, but just to explain to the boys what was said, how much it affected me and how they got around me and that's what's so great about team sports they care about you more than anything else and the support I get at my football club is unbelievable.

Do have faith that one day we can stamp this out for good? We thought we'd come a long way, obviously we haven't come that far. Will there be a day when its gone?
No, I didn't say that we haven’t come that far, we've definitely come a long way and we're going to continue to come a long way, and like I said before, it's the group of people right here that are going to have the most impact - the media, Andrew Demetriou, Nicky Winmar and myself continually standing up for what's right. We're not going to stand for racism in our sport, our game.



You're clearly angry, do you want the girl banned? what would you like the AFL to do? Obviously educate her but, but what would you like to see happen?
Yeah look, the police asked me if I wanted to press charges last night. I didn’t want to press charges. Like I said before, she's a 13-year-old girl, we need to educate her, we need to support her, it's such a sad, sad case and we just need to support this young girl. It's out of my hands now. The police said 'do you want to charge her?' I said no, it's now up to the AFL and what they want to do with it, I just hope that she gets some support.

Would you like to speak to her, to explain what she's done?
Do you know, I would love for her to off her own bat and want, want to apologise. I think me wanting to talk to her, she's not taking responsibility, she's got to take a little bit of responsibility that 'you know what, I've done the wrong thing' and then be honest to me, 'you know I really don't know what I was saying last night, I apologise', and then I would open up and say: 'this is what it actually means for you to say this to me, and how hurtful it is, not just for me but for my family, and everyone associated with me'.

Do you think she realised?
No, she was shocked mate, she was really shocked and that's what hurt me so bad, it's when I turned around, I just saw this young face and I was just, it was just sad, like it was so sad and I think the worst thing for me was to actually come off, because I just sat there for a minute and it just hit me, that's why I had to leave the arena, it just broke my heart.


Adam, you're saying how sad it is, do you urge others to stop attacking his girl on Twitter, saying 'name and shame her, ban her for life'?
Yeah definitely, I haven't gotten on Twitter because I'm still emotionally affected by whats happened and I don't want to put anything out there that's going to be written purely on emotion. People do need to cut this girl some slack, she's a young kid and kids are innocent and I've got no doubt in my mind that she had no idea what she was calling me last night, and we need to help educate her and educate society that things like this are hurtful and not only hurtful to individuals but to groups of people.

Given how hurtful it is to you, and it's going to be difficult for you to move forward, how do you move forward? You're probably going to remember this for the rest of your life.
I move forward, it's what we do. This is not the first time I've been racially abused. It affects me, it affects my family, everytime I read a message from one of my friends it affects me because they're telling me how much they love me, how much they support me, how sad they are and it's going to happen for a while and its unfortunate but that's the way it is. I'll move on, I'll get stronger, hopefully today helps other people.



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